Pregnancy- the truth ( well my truth some lucky women really just have a walk in a park - I envy the hell out of these beautiful creatures)
All the fairy tale stuff is a lie ladies !!
Before you know the raw truth you believe pregnancy is a beautiful journey. filled with glowing smiles, sweet glances, wise advice, butterfly feelings in your tummy, cute nursery furnishings and more feelings of woman magic than ever before.
Let me be very straight the only part of the above that is truth is the woman magic.
We are superhero’s ladies!! Growing a human HARD fu**ing work. Apart from the typical physical ailments of growing a human - they are real as hell by the way- and the next time someone complains about their headache why you sit there with a fetus pushing your internal gizzards in ways you never dreamt- you have my full support to roll your eyes.
I have compiled a list of my most surprising or interesting sufferings from this blessed journey.
I spent approximately 20 weeks vomiting so ferociously and frequently I developed a routine for it- one that helped me prevent literally peeing my pants on a nightly basis. ( pro tip - un button your pants as you open your front door and peel them bad boys off as you make your way to the toilet - now known as your new spot).
That’s right people vomiting so hard you pee! No one tells you that when you get pregnant!!
There is also this awkward body phase no one prepares you for. You feel pregnant but you don’t completely look it - it would not be unfair for people to assume you’ve just kind of given up on the healthy living for a little bit. None of your favourite clothes fit properly anymore but they fit enough that your still committed to wearing them on a regular basis. Pro tip - wear MATERNITY PANTS ! Life changing. I remember I was on the phone to my sister whilst I was at the shop and I was complaining about my pants and she just snapped and said ‘go try on some fuc*ing pregnancy pants Tegan.’ To the change room I went - pregnancy pants in tow and what ever hope of continuing to wear my ‘Normal’ jeans falling further behind me. I put on the pants and sweet Jesus !! The relief. The fit. The ROOM. I love them. I’m not sure I’ll ever go back to ‘normal’ jeans again.
You go through this phase of I am woman hear me roar. It’s beautiful it’s natural and it’s what I wish I channeled more of every single day.
You also go through these massive waves of what the hell am I doing?! What was I thinking, ANXIETY, I can’t do this. I want a drink, I want raw fish and soft cheese. You want to have the energy to go out and be fun with your friends but your tired - so tired. Then there is this guilt that follows those feelings - I wanted this baby more than I wanted anything in life. I should be happy only happy, Grateful only grateful. STOP this madness. Guess what? You and me - we are allowed to mourn the loss of our old lives. Things are changing, I feel different, my perspectives are shifting and sometimes I catch a glimpse in this observing type way and I allow myself to reflect to feel sad, to resist letting go for just a moment, to relish in the memory of life without the responsibility of growing limbs and organs.
It’s a big deal creating life. Embrace your own journey. Feel your feelings - nurture yourself.
Lightening crotch- never heard of it ? HAVE A BABY f*ck me !!! This is a little hot tip - It’s a real dam thing. You walk around normal minding your own business and then out of fuc*ing nowhere your lady region becomes the target of some hellish storm and you quite literally feel like you’ve been struck in your vagine’ by a bolt of lightening. It’s a real game this one, you never know when it’s going to strike or how many seconds it will last BUT it will stop you dead in your tracks no matter what your doing. By the end of pregnancy you really are unapologetic about just being that person stopped in the middle of an isle - there is a lot going on folks !! Sympathy ploise! Haha.
Ok now for the most frustrating part of my journey to date. Unsolicited ADVICE AND OPINIONS!! oh my god. I can not even begin to explain. But let me try with some examples…
You think your tired now just wait.
Oh your growing a big baby in there aren’t you.
Enjoy the quiet while you can.
Enjoy a clean house why it lasts.
Look at that belly your realllly showing now.
You probably haven’t noticed but your belly has really changed and gotten bigger.
Don’t use a dummy it’s bad for their teeth.
Don’t use a co sleeper you’ll set them up to be too attached.
I hope you plan on breastfeeding it’s the best option plus it will help loose all the baby weight.
Are you sure your allowed to eat that ?
Oh let me tell you about my birth is was horrific.
Oh your still pregnant- when is the baby coming then?
You’ll wish you traveled more.
It will all be about the baby soon.
And for my number one most hated comment of all time
Once the baby is here your needs won’t matter any more.
Yes.
You read correctly.
All of them.
They have all been said to me!
On what planet are any of these comments helpful, supported or more importantly WANTED? None that’s how many z e r o.
Trust me - I fuc*ing know my body is changing! my hands and feet are swollen like some
Type of sea creature, my favourite clothes are hidden in the back of my wardrobe and I do not need anyone’s running commentary to keep up with such changes!
Tell me I’m glowing and then shut the hell up! ( please xoxo )
Particularly outraging to me the last comment.
Once the baby is here your needs won’t matter.
The worst part is that this has been said to me by multiple women and mothers.
Also baffling when I have said this comment back to some of the very people who have said it to me - they have been shocked anyone would say such a thing … ( talk about unconscious bias).
When the hell did this become the mindset behind motherhood ?? Ladies your needs MATTER. They matter now and when your little bundle of love joins your world your needs matter more than ever before !!
Why do women participate in creating and supporting a narrative that we are second best? Please let’s stop this now. Seriously.
I am having a daughter and I will raise her to know that she is a boss babe. She is in charge of her life, her happiness, she is the creator of her reality and no one is allowed to make her doubt or question her worth.
How do I plan on instilling such values and growth mindset in my little babe? By living by the exact same conditions.
My needs matter. As a women, as a wife, as a friend, as a sibling, as a daughter, as a worker, as a MOTHER. With every single hat that I wear my needs matter.
Take time out in your day to figure out what this means for you. What do YOU need to live and be the best version of you?
I invested and work with a self love coach, I set boundaries with people I love, I expect my husband to treat me with love and respect, I expect my work to treat me as an person not a payroll number, I make time to do things that bring me moments of joy - and I don’t feel bad for any one these things.
Powerful stuff hey? Don’t get me wrong I have doubts, my confidence dips, I question myself and sometimes I’m better at giving advice than taking it. BUT progress is not linear, life peaks and dips it is normal. It is my job - our job as women to lift ourselves and others up.
I could write and rage for ever about how I feel regarding this but let’s be honest - that’s going to get pretty boring and as I write this it’s around 2pm which is my sloth mode (growing a human is tiring work!)
So until next time.
Love yourself people! Wrap your arms around you and just just help spread warm fuzzies - the world needs more of it.
You and me - we are worthy of great things Xx
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